Open Letter to the Opposite Sex

Dear Males who Don't Have a Clue,
     I understand Modern Warfare 3 is like... a big deal? But come on. Is it necessary to tweet and post on facebook about it 87 times? I think not. And to the boyfriends out there that really need a push in the right direction, if a girl tells you she's fine. She is not. You should have realized that after the 8 text messages that didn't include a happy go lucky emoticon. Jesus people get with the program. After the second text message lacking an emoticon you should have been at her house with a pint of Ben and Jerrys "Americone Dream" ice cream and a spoon. Just one spoon. Don't expect her to share. Why is this stuff so difficult for men to understand? If she says "leave me alone" it means "stop being such an ass, apologize, and make me feel better." But for some reason guys just fail to understand common knowledge. When a girl says "Let's leave at 8!" It means "Leave your house to pick me up at 8!" Girls need approximately 10 minutes and 34 seconds to primp, obviously. The last thing, never, and I mean NEVER, insult an individual of the female gender of their sports intelligence. Even if they have none, it is extremely offensive. Just because she doesn't want your team to win, doesn't mean she has no idea who the other team is. Don't try and be all cool asking "Do you even know who they're playing?" Because that will result in a red mark in the shape of hand across your face and you best hope she doesn't like wearing rings.

Sincerely,
Offended Females.

Oh my goodness that needed to be said. Phew!